From 1997 to 2010 my family and I lived with death threats from my violent, drug addicted, mentally unstable brother. These threats did not stop until my brother died of a drug overdose.

The many years of threats left me searching for Flower Essences that would help me and my family stay calm and centered even as we lived in danger. During these years, I needed Flower Essences that would help us not be adrenalized or in a flight or fight response all the time. We needed Flower. Essences to support us to feel calm even when we were not actually safe. We sought Flower Essences that would help us live our daily lives with as much good cheer as possible, even as we had to have systems in place should things go south. It was a balance of the practical and the hopeful, and it was hard to achieve.

The threats were credible. While my family of origin wanted to soft pedal my brother’s threats, violent behavior, drug use and illegal activities, the police in our area watched my brother closely and agreed with us that my brother was a danger. While it was helpful that the police didn’t discount our concern as my family of origin did, and instead actively worked to protect us, this didn’t leave us feeling safe.

The police patrolled the farm once a night. They knew that any 911 call from us was going to be bad, and together we discussed what we should do before and after such a call. Even with this support, we were vulnerable almost all the time. We often felt isolated and misunderstood as well as unsafe. Well meaning people would say things like, “How likely is this brother to actually kill you?” I was grateful to the police who did not feel we were overreacting, but sadly being right to be concerned wasn’t a solution or a comfort.

So what Flower Essences helped us? Here are some of the many we leaned on.

Emergency Care– This is helpful whenever we feel scared or adrenalized. I carried this one with me everywhere to take when I got alarmed or in case of emergencies. There was a moment when we learned that a student at our daughter’s college had been randomly killed in a school parking lot. For a bit we didn’t know if the victim was our daughter. This was the kind of moment that Emergency Care helped us with.

Flow Free– It was important always to keep flowing- not hold my breath, not hold onto spikes of anxiety, fear and worry but just flow. I took Flow Free every day. for all those years. It was the first thing I did each day- put Flow Free in a quart of water to sip throughout my day. I don’t know how I would have gotten through those years without Flow Free.

Sanctuary– We created this for a rape crisis center, but it helped us too.

Scarlet Runner Bean, Red Clover, Old Blush China Rose– These were three individual Flower Essences than helped me derail my fear train of thought. The Red Clover was particularly helpful in panic driven moments. Sometimes the circumstances just crumpled me and Old Blush China Rose helped me pick myself up again.

During this time the Angels had us create a Venus Garden called Don’t Worry- Bee Happy. A lot of my spiritual work was to understand that worry and fear didn’t help me. There were actions to take but to let the fever of constant worry prevail was not helpful.

So many of the Venus Gardens were to reassure and bring us closer to Divinity. That was one unexpected thing. Despite my rather puritanical upbringing, I didn’t experience these threats as some sort of punishment from an angry deity nor was I mad at my spiritual guides and teachers. Yes, I was mad at my brother and the rest of my family of origin, but I felt that spirit was in the trenches with us every second of this horrible time. Even as I couldn’t be given some guarantee that it would all turn out okay, I had their absolute support. The Roses including dear Agnes Rose with its affirmation, “You and I are not We but One.” was one reason I felt this unbreakable companionship. Roses are Divinity in form and so are their Essences. They help us feel our inseparable oneness with Divinity.

One more thought on Don’t Worry- Bee Happy and other Venus Garden beloveds like Equanimity. During this time we had to stop believing that enjoying our lives as best we could was wrong. We could legitimately have just stayed in a state of alarm all the time, but we had to set ourselves free to be happy and not feel guilty about this.

Releasing my guilt was a big process. Things happen that are beyond our control, and sometimes we want to take responsibility for them or blame others just so we don’t have to acknowledge our lack of control. I would go over and over events and think to myself, if only I hadn’t done this or that maybe the whole thing wouldn’t have happened. I had to work really hard to let this thought pattern go and acknowledge that my holding onto guilt was in some ways an effort to see myself in control of something I was never in control of.

I hope none of you find yourselves in circumstances like this one, but I am so glad there are Flower Essences there to support you through if you do. I am grateful that the journey of creating Essences has continued since then with more supportive Flower Essences like the Sovereignty Set,Safe Passage Be Fearless and Amor Fati.

If any of these Flower friends call to you, know that we send them to you with so much love.