Report from Reginald Montgomery “Chuckie” Hogbottom, Order of the Woodchuck, Recipient of the medal of honor “Marmota Monax” September 2019, Knighted as Groundhog of the Realm, May 2022, Recipient of the Order of the Garter July 2023.
Yes friends, I know you are thrilled to find this July update before my annual late season showstopper of a report in late August. It’s just that I have so much news, news that will doubtless tickle you pink.
So many visitors adored the little harvest gala I threw last season that my a legion of friends and relatives decided to stay here at the farm to settle in for good. I like a crowd, especially when I am in charge. I assigned everyone spots for new burrows on the property, and everyone has dug comfy homes and found plenty of food to keep fat and sassy.
The winter was one big love fest and so, voila! This spring has made us a coterie of baby as well as mature woodchucks. As you know, I am a modest woodchuck, but I must say many of the particularly attractive young ones resemble moi, Reginal Montgomery “Chuckie” Hogbottom. Yes, I entertained a fleet of girlfriends this winter and the results are evident throughout the gardens.
Fortunately the foolish humans here put in their usual zillion gardens of veggies and flowers. It was a particular joy to chow down early crops in the hoop house. One night I wiped out a lavish collection of cucumber plants complete with baby cornichons. Who doesn’t love a cornichon?
True confessions. I did get some help in my gourmet rampage It was a warm night, at least in the hoop house, and Felicity was with me. She always wears this intoxicating scent, “Evening in the Burrow”. Our progeny was asleep, and together we dined on EVERYTHING in the hoop house including the cornichons. In a single night! It was a stunning accomplishment, particularly as Felicity’s perfume was so beguiling that we had to take a break to frollick in the lettuce stubs. Now the place is a wasteland but what memories!
The silly woman who does all the gardening is often seen with a backpack of “Eau de Garlic” which she liberal sprays on everything including herself. I wish she would get the drift that there is no plan to share any vegetables with her. As in NONE. ZILCH. ZERO. After all we have babies to care for. Lots of them. But if she wants to waste her time with her garlic water strategy, good for her. Its a hopeless effort, but it is kind of cute. We watch her from our dozen burrows with much enjoyment. We don’t get WIFI down by the burrows so we have to find our entertainment somewhere else than on the internet. She provides plenty.
Today for example she stumbled on one of the kids down by the blueberry patch. Poor little Philippe got rattled and instead of acting afraid, he charged her then ran through a hole in the blueberry netting towards his den five feet from the netting. She threw a cinderblock on the entrance to his burrow, but we are always looking for projects with the kids. Tonight, after we feast down on what remains in the vegetable garden, we’ll do a little inservice with Philippe and the gang. We’ll show them how to dig around “immovable objects”. Its never to early to learn all the tricks!
Take precious care good readers. Rest easy knowing me and my prodigious clan are well fed, well rested and well informed about the charming foibles of earnest humans. Until next time, Bon Appetit!