Last night I had a dream in which I found myself taking the SATs again. It was a classic anxiety dream. I was at the test center trying to psych myself up to take the test but not doing a very good job. After all I have been out of college for 39 years. Was it really necessary to take these tests again? Apparently it was, and I needed to kill it. Meanwhile I felt unprepared and bewildered that I was expected to sit down AGAIN with a #2 pencil and get filling in those bubbles.
When I awoke, I thought about the last time I took the SATs at the age of 17. I wondered what I would I tell young Molly if I could talk to her after she left the test?
Would I tell her, well, your first boyfriend is going to dump you next week, but don’t worry, you’ll be okay. It’s a good thing. There really ARE other fish in the sea.
Would I tell her that during that same week she was going to get rejected from her first choice college to which she had applied early decision, but that too would be okay. She would eventually be VERY glad she didn’t go there.
Would I tell her she also was going to flunk her driver’s test that week, but that too would be okay as she would pass the second time.
To top off all this cheery news, would I also mention that the night her boyfriend dumped her she was going to be home alone babysitting her little brothers, one of whom was going to throw up all over his bedroom all night long? And I mean ALL NIGHT LONG!
Hmmmmm. Maybe not.
Maybe I would just tell her that no matter what happened, she was going to be okay, and that she would not miss her life. Maybe I’d just give her a hug and remind her she was loved. Maybe not by that dirtbag boyfriend, but still, she was loved.
And so the dream was a good reminder to me to stop worrying about current concerns. All those screwball Mercury retrograde/ snow storm/computer snafus that occurred yesterday? It will be okay. We’ll untangle all the tangles.
And that crowd coming for many, many, many meals over the next holiday stretch? They will be fine no matter what I serve them, so maybe its NOT time to resuscitate the Vegan/ Meat Fest Thanksgiving menu, that meal that almost killed me in its complexity.
And when I get off balance about the bigger picture stuff? Something about that dream reminded me it’s not about “doing it right” that matters, but just being there with an open heart towards myself and everyone else in our moments of suffering, big and little. It’s the only way forward. Things go wrong. Mistakes are made. But if we are gentle with ourselves and each other in all these circumstances, it will be okay. We’ll figure it out.
The Flower Essences that I find myself reaching for a lot right now are the Wildflower Essences. They really know how to endure and even thrive in very tough conditions. They adapt to challenging even extreme circumstances and never miss a beat. They are also surprisingly kind. They welcome us as we are and offer their complete undivided support. They are very wise because they have followed the bead of their own evolution with such complete focus, but they are more than happy to bring that wisdom back to us and share it completely. Who could ask for more?
We have a wall of individual bottles of all our Essences for us to use in our daily water bottles. I’ve found myself reaching for many Wildflowers each day including Fragrant Ladies Tresses, Niella, Silver-rod, Bottle Gentian and Pearly Everlasting.
I suggested the Pearly Everlasting to a spry octogenarian yesterday, but she didn’t want to identify with a Flower Essence that described itself as being there to help older folks. I had to appreciate her sass in not putting herself in the category of senior citizen. I’ve always felt very old even when I was 17 (both before and after that particular week from hell). I appreciate that Pearly Everlasting wants to reach out to those of us that don’t have the electrical circuit boards of younger generations. I want to stay here for the adventure of what lies ahead and appreciate that this Flower Essence and so many others are helping me be able to do so.
I come back to the truth that we all need help right now whether we get it from Flower Essences or in other ways. It takes a village right now of Flowers and Angels and animals and kind friends and kind strangers. I feel grateful to have so many beloveds to travel along this road with.
Maybe that would have been the most important thing to say to young Molly that day, “You are not alone.”