I want to clarify some things about my experience of the wisdom of my family river as discussed in my blog “The Emperor’s New Clothes†several days ago. Let me explain why.
A dear and precious soul e-mailed me to tell of an experience in which her mother responded to horrific news of life threatening illness with talk of shopping plans. This precious soul has the most enormous heart and tried most earnestly to experience love in her mom’s response. Out of her sharing, I realized how much I needed to further explain what happened for me when retrieving the divine wisdom of my family blood line.
To back up a little bit, several years into the ongoing death threats against my children and me from one of my siblings, my parents and other relatives remained unwillingness to stop funding the terrorist or help in any way resolve the problem. I decided to let go of my entire family of origin and move on. My process of letting go began with an expectation that my parents would help. This became a hope that they would help and then transformed again into a realization that this branch of the cavalry was not coming.
This process was one of realizing these souls were just other people and not my true eternal parents. In the years after I let go, I came to experience God as my mother and father in a concrete way. When my earth dad died, I realized that I actually did not experience his soul as anything but another soul I had gone to earth school with. Given how many people told me how sorry I would be not to reconcile with my dad before his death, I was actually relieved and joyful to discover how close I felt to my eternal God parents and how okay I felt about my dad moving on with his own soul’s journey.
Coming to this place involved a very, very, very long process for me and one I will no doubt go on and on about sometime in a future blog. However, it seems important for you to know that I had let go of my relationship with my family of origin when I experienced my family river’s wisdom.
When I experienced the wisdom of my family river, no one in my family of origin was present nor did it make me want to reconnect with anyone in my family.
I had been asking God why I picked my family of origin. Did I owe them terrible karma that required me to run the gauntlet with them until the end of time? And if so, what was I to do for them? In answer to my questions, I was given an experience of feeling this profound love for God while being shown how this knack for experiencing great intimacy with God was flowing in my family river. What actually happened was I glimpsed a great great great grandfather loving God in the same way and then I experienced this love myself. I saw how anyone in my family of origin can retrieve this strand of love and how it is SUCH a valuable gift that my jumping into the inferno of my family of origin was worth it.
This love for God isn’t anything any of my family of origin is necessarily noticing, enjoying, or seeking nor do they need to for me to access this gift. But it made me understand why I picked this family river. It’s an extraordinarily wonderful thing to love God like that and the vibrational pattern for this kind of intimacy is in the family genetics, thanks to this great great great grandfather. It is so amazing that all the family river could find this love if they want, but whether they do or not is not my business.
To sum up, the gift of my family river has nothing to do with the personalities in my family and isn’t something that even involved these personalities. I did not have to go through their personalities to access this love experience.
When my experiences led me to let go of my family of origin, I realized how one of the problems with our cultural ideas of family is that it limits the ways we think we can experience God’s love for us. We can sometimes believe that the mama and papa love flow we want and deserve must come through the faucet of our earth parents. If this faucet of love is rusty and choked, as it was in my family of origin, we try to view whatever is coming out with optimistic eyes. The problem with this is that God wants to give us more love than we can get if we stick to the rusty faucet and try to make the best of it. But we can think it is the loving thing to do to stick with our rusty faucet and make the best of it.
God had to bomb me out of looking only to that one rusty faucet. The faucet had been rusted all along, but I couldn’t let go of my hold on that plumbing until the people I looked to for love literally proved themselves willing to see me and my children murdered. Wow! Sometimes I feel so sorry for dear God. How hard it must be for God to get us to look up, let go of the rusty faucet, and open to all the love God wants to give us.
When I finally did, I found much better parents in God, parents that send in a river of love from so many directions that I sometimes feel like love in an ocean of love. And never was it more of a relief than when I lay down this burden I was carrying of trying to find God in the personalities of my family. The river is separate from the personalities. I found God there in the river and could gratefully give up my abusive efforts to find it in the personality of my family members. And in doing so, I began a journey to realize the river of God’s love is flowing everywhere, but it is a heck of a lot more fun to swim in this river when we let go of all that rusty plumbing.