I never know what will spill out when I respond to your questions. Yesterday’s questions about resistance to Flower Essences took me in an unexpected direction. I found myself writing about what happens when we resist the gentle encouragements from the universe to change, be they Flower Essences or some other soft nudge. What happens when our personality’s desire for things to stay the same comes in conflict with our soul’s desire to move our lives along spiritually?

Whatever willingness I now have to let go and change is a consequence of traumatic events. Most big changes in my life were either precipitated by trauma or informed by them. Early in my life, I thought I would be spared pain, aging, bad hair days, and cellulite just because I was, well….. so special. Now…….let’s just say I laughed aloud as I typed that last sentence. Experience encourages me to let go earlier in a change cycle since I know that if I hold out longer, I am asking for those professors from the 2′ X 4’ school of learning lessons to come on back. Pain or memories of pain. It seems to take a lot to shake us humans loose from our cages, including the cage of wanting things to stay the same.

One seminal traumatic experience is my primary encouragement to let go and let change have its way. This was the birth of my second child, that dancing daughter, who was born deaf and with a cleft palate. Out of the pain, confusion, and grief of my experience during her early years came this life at Green Hope Farm. I credit her with jump starting my true life on True Road as well as being the mover and shaker of her own amazing dance.

Even as I have used this as a paradigm of trauma to encourages an optimistic, go with the flow attitude, I cannot say that I greet traumatic events at the door with a welcoming smile and a snack. It usually takes me months, sometimes years, to surrender to the truth that everything God does, even the latest trauma, is for the best.

With the latest big trauma in my life, the situation of death threats from a family member and the loss of connection to my family of origin as part of the fall out from these threats, it’s five years in and I am still accommodating the experience. I probably will be doing this for the rest of my life. When I try to explain to people the gifts I’ve received from this drama, they usually look at me as if I’ve been smelling a bit too many opium poppies. However, this trauma has made me a more loving person. It has helped me love God more. I may not return to joyful life with the same innocence but I return with a more sturdy and sillier joy. Odd but true. I begin to be able to hold this trauma with gratefulness, not just sorrow.

So, I acknowledge and continue to experience both the human condition of being comfortable with the discomfort of our cages of illusions and also a gratitude for the traumas that shake us out of our cages, even if I cannot always experience this gratitude during the traumas.

Sometimes, even with whatever willingness I have to let go and change, traumas hit broadside and require more than seems reasonable or possible. During these times, in fact during any traumatic time, Flower Essences are my steadfast friends, helping me feel confident I will survive and eventually even manage to process and move through the tumult.

When the brown stuff hits the fan, it is the vibrations of Flower Essences including Emergency Care, Anxiety, Grief & Loss, Feverfew, Sarah Van Fleet Rose, and Old Blush China Rose that become my constant companions. Depending on the trauma, I sometimes work with this crew of Essences for months or years. They help me feel physically safe and help calm my freaked out nervous system.

One of the wonderful friends I have made kindness of Green Hope Farm Flower Essences is a grief counselor who first connected with us to get Flower Essences for one of her Tibetan terriers. As the years have unfolded, she has helped me to understand that when a trauma occurs, we really cannot process the emotions or the spiritual underpinnings of the event until we get support to feel physically safe. This may be why the Angels said that Old Blush China Rose was the most important individual Flower Essence we had to offer to people after 911. It helps people feel physically safe during traumatic events. Her perspective has been very helpful in throwing out expectations about how I “should” move through any difficult experience.

I also reach for Essences such as Arbor Garden, Pink Tecoma, and Pink Water Lily. They help me feel comforted amidst the turmoil. Taking these Essences is part of that vital process of doing what I can to take care of myself. More and more, I realize that if we are all one, it’s crazy not to take care of the part of oneness close to home. That would be me. Bring on the Pink Tecoma.

Borage and Nuuphretia Lavarissa help me find the inner courage to keep on going. The Sunflower Spiral and Joe Pye Weed help me surrender my burdens to those there to help. Self care includes asking friends to help!

Later, often a lot later, I depend on all sorts of Essences to support me in processing the trauma and grounding its gifts into my life and consciousness. My water glass becomes pink with helpful friends such as Grounding, Yellow Water Lily, Corn, Maple, Eyes of Mary, and Shrimp Plant. I really love Yellow Water Lily. It’s a cheerleader that helps me feel rooted in my divine identity during very emotional times.

Eventually, I am ready for Essences like Phoenix Rising or New Beginnings to support me to orient myself in the terrain of my new life. One thing I have grasped more fully from my most recent big trauma is that grief takes time. When I first went to therapy after Elizabeth was born, I thought I was supposed to clean everything up really, really fast and then put a smiley face on. I would walk into my therapist’s office each week wearing a hundred watt smile and tell my therapist that I was all better. Three minutes later, I would be sobbing my heart out. This would continue until our fifty minutes were up.

It has been an experience of grace to accept grief takes time. My only job is to be present to where I am. Everything else, including my spiritual growth (whatever that is!) will take care of itself.