Posting Will’s artsy photo of me, “Reina the Beautiful as seen over a Pile of My Lost Fur” does not make up for the extreme unpleasantness of having five people manhandle me for a serious shampoo.

So what if I look particularly gorgeous for the return of my person on Wednesday? It was torture. The flowery smell of the shampoo made me nauseous. And all those loving hands trying to get me clean were over the top. Is it any wonder I whined the entire time?

Grievance Number two. Five weeks is Spain is five weeks too many away from me. So you walked across a country? I could do that in my sleep. In fact, I probably dreamed of this several times while hogging space on the grandpuppyparents’ bed and accidently kicking the grandpuppyparents. Not to worry. They are my devoted slaves for life.