As those of you who have been reading the blog from the beginning might recall, when one of my siblings made repeated specific threats to kill me and my children in order to extort money from my parents, my husband and I made the decision to drop out of my family of origin so we could no longer be used as leverage for this situation. We were aware at the time that this would have financial repercussions for us, as dropping out on the family meant being disinherited. My family of origin has enough money that any eventual inheritance would have helped with college tuitions and mortgages, stuff like that.
First of all, after thousands of hours rehashing our decision making process during the last six years, we still haven’t figured out any other way through our situation than the one we chose. When you are afraid for your children’s lives, nothing but their safety matters. No other considerations seem in any way important. And when you can’t get the other people involved in the situation galvanized to deal with the death threats and work with you towards a common solution, you can’t get them galvanized. You have to take action to protect your children, even if other people won’t.
So any real regrets? No. Sadness? Yes. A lot of sadness, but no regrets.
Throughout this unfolding saga, I spent much time seeking moral support and guidance from God and the Angels. I needed moral support at least every five minutes. Thankfully, God and the Angels are nothing if not there for us.
Sometimes our conversations were just me silently yelling help. Sometimes our conversations took me to a place of calm where I knew everything was okay and nothing was real but God. Sometimes I would receive guidance for the specifics of my situation and sometimes I would receive information that had a more generic feel to is. Today I thought I would share some of the more generic information I received about money.
But first, an odd little thing that happened to me on the way to this drama. About fifteen or twenty years ago, out of the blue, the Angels told me that I would not get anything from my family of origin or from the family home. I couldn’t make head or tails of this snippet of information. I was so unaware of the coming drama that I decided this was the Angels way to tell me that the family home in Connecticut was going to flood.
Much as my analysis of this message was completely flawed, I am grateful for this data being dropped into my consciousness so long ago, because it helped me in a weird way to accept what was unfolding as inevitable and not my fault. I can make practically anything my fault and so I can sometimes get myself into a frenzy, dwelling on how my choices have had financial repercussions for my children. Funny how I have to remind myself that my choices could very well have saved their lives, but my personality can so easily shame spiral into giving me a hard time about the financial repercussions of putting their safety first.
Enter more insight from the Angels. In this whole unfolding drama, it’s often been the Angels who have given me practical inservices about the energetics of what has happened. As we came to terms with being disinherited, the Angels offered very helpful information about this family money in particular and money in general.
The Angels explained that it was a great gift to Jim and me and our children NOT to inherit this money. The Angels noted that money carries unfinished business even karma with it, that some money has so much garbage with it that its best not to have to move it through your own life. When some people inherit money, the money is relatively clean. While they must take on the energetics carried by the money and transmute this, the money is worth the work. Other money, depending on how it was made, how it has been used, and so many other factors, is not a gift and is not worth the work.
For some reason, this family money I no longer will inherit was not a good value. The Angels said “To inherit this money is to have to rework all the lessons you have already cleared from your energy system and the family you and Jim have created together. Receiving this money would be like cleaning the chaos of a flood out of your home and then inviting the same floodwaters back in to wreck your home again. Think of the family river trio of Flower Essences Black Currant, Bloodroot, and Borage, think of your work to disentangle yourself from the emotional and spiritual confusions of your tribe of origin, and think of your conscious work to set your children free to find their own way without this baggage. Think of the literal decades you have spent to clear the family illusions from your electrical system so that you have finished with those illusions once and for all. Receiving this money would necessitate you doing this entire cleanse process all over again and would dump on your children the burden of doing this for themselves. Be glad that this money is not coming your way. Be glad.”
Now, in sharing this message with you I do not mean to suggest inheriting money is always bad news. I am sure there is money that is benign or significantly less loaded in its energetics than this money. It’s more that I hope that this information helps anyone who is facing what appears to be a financial loss. We really never do know when something is good news or bad. It seemed to be bad news to be cut out of money that would pay off college loans, when in point of fact, it was good news.
It’s surprised me how many tales of bizarre disinheritance I have heard from Green Hope Farm friends since this drama unfolded in my life. Of course, I am probably paying attention to this story line more than before, but still, there are some apparently extremely egregious disinheritances going on out there. If you are one of the people who are getting cut out of something that is rightfully yours, I hope the Angels inservice is a comfort. Not getting this money may be the greatest gift you have ever been given!
And please, take comfort as well in what the Elementals shared with me about money and flow in general. They note that when one avenue of flow is cut off, there are a zillion other ways for the flow to continue. When I looked to an earthly parent for financial flow, the flow could and did get turned off. In looking to an eternal parent versus an earth parent for financial flow, I opened the door for divinity to send money in other ways. It’s really the same as looking for love. How much better my life became when I stopped looking for love from people who could not give it and opened to receive God’s love however God wanted to send it.
Still, loss is loss. Sometimes I feel great sadness about what I lost. The family place in the Adirondacks has been the hardest loss for me. A friend recently told me that when her brother had died and her marriage had fallen apart she was berating herself for wanting to sleep all the time. Her therapist had said to her, “So sleep, what you are going through is exhausting.” Both this story and my friend ending the story by saying to me “So be sad.” helped me know it was okay to be as sad as I am about this loss.
As I inhabit the empty place of this sadness, I don’t know if there will be ever be a place in my life that is like that lost place. But I do think about how Green Hope Farm was born and that gives me hope.
Twenty odd years ago, the Angels told me that my love for Flowers would earn me a living. I can still remember that combination of happiness and doubt when I heard that message. When some family of origin members treated this notion with extreme skepticism and suggested I should keep my eggs in the basket of family, family values, careers acceptable to the family values, etc etc etc, I took a baby step towards trusting that the flow of love and purpose and money could come from somewhere else but my family. I picked up a shovel and started to dig Flower beds.
With every shovel I turned in the good earth of this place and with every seed or plant I put into the ground, I gave myself more fully to a life of Flowers, a beautiful life that flowed towards me from unexpected directions. I built my trust in the infinite flow of love and abundance one shovelful of manure at a time. Not a bad way to do it! And I am glad I still feel this way because I have some digging to do this afternoon. Garlic sets will wait just so long to be planted and this morning’s snow suggests maybe that moment has come.
So I will put on my heaviest wool socks and mud boots and go out to the snowy garden and turn over the snowy earth to plant the garlic. And I will remember with every turn of the shovel, that I never really know what new adventures, new places, and new people to love are flowing towards me with every shovelful of life I dig into.