Yesterday afternoon I helped the staff Goddesses pack orders. When pulling an order from the stack, you never knows what you’ll get. That’s part of the fun of it. An order for the entire Green Hope Farm Combos collection? A large bottle of Anxiety? All the Rose trios? An order can be a nearly unlimited variety of Flower Essences.

The first order I pulled yesterday was for a Custom Mix. In our bottling room we have a wall that holds a small bottle of every mother Flower Essence. This means we can stand in front of this wall and mix a custom mix all from the wall of Flower Essences. As I stood in front of this wall of Flower Love, I thought both about Custom Mixes and this specific Custom Mix.

Custom Mixes are an excellent way to begin working with Flower Essences. We put a baker’s dozen Flower Essences in each Custom Mix we create for you, your client, your friend, your family member or your beloved animal companion. You tell us what you want the Custom Flower Essence Mix to support, and we take it from there. This is a great way to tap into our expertise. It is especially helpful when you or a beloved is ill or dealing with such a complicated situation that it is a relief to have someone else figure out what you or a beloved needs. I also love it when people choose their own 13 Flower Essences for a Custom Mix. I learn so much from seeing how you put Flower Essences together.

Custom Mixes have such lovely, strong healing energies. As I assembled the first order’s Custom Mix yesterday, I felt how comforting and uplifting the Mix would be for its recipient. I contemplated making a second bottle for myself as it felt so wonderful! With the Mix assembled, I returned to the main office from the bottling room to thank Vicki who had chosen the Flower Essences for the Custom Mix. I felt so grateful for her healing work in choosing the Flower Essences for the Mix.

The staff Goddesses creating Custom Mixes have all been here at Green Hope Farm for a very long time, several decades in the case of Vicki and Elizabeth. All of us take the process of creating a Custom Mix for you very seriously. We often discuss as a group what Flower Essences might be considered for a certain concern or situation. We also ask for guidance from our upstairs staff. Custom Mixes are a collaborative creation and a magical one. We may get a prompting to include a certain Flower Essence, then when we read its description, we get insight why it is included in the mix. Much time and energy is spent formulating each Custom Mix.

Each Custom Mix offers unique and healing music, a bespoke and harmonious download of vibrational information for you or a beloved. Custom Mixes sing through our energy field with a healing purpose and clarity that takes my breath away.

It occurred to me as I packed up this specific Custom Flower Essence Mix that you might be interested to see what was requested and what Flower Essences were included in the Mix.

This Green Hope beloved asked for a Custom Mix that would help them deal with depression, sadness, no motivation and feeling stuck in anxiety and fear. They closed their request saying they aspired to more self love, hope and happiness.

The Custom Mix which Vicki created contained these 13 Flower Essences: Borage, Gorse, Don’t Worry-Bee Happy, Pumpkin, Anxiety, Be Fearless, Boundless, Meadowsweet, To Thine Own Self Be True, Kapha, Crab Apple, Coral Pink Rose and FJ Grootendorst Rose.

I loved how the Flower Essences chosen addressed all the topics mentioned by the Green Hope beloved and also went deep into these concerns in unexpected ways. Flower allies who have delivered so much healing support were there as were some surprises like Boundless. I felt so happy sending off this mix and so grateful to be here. Each day I learn more about the Flowers and their gifts. Each day you and the Staff Goddesses, upstairs and down, teach me so much.

I’ve had a lot of conversations about grief and loss lately. 2024 has started off for many I know with rocky times and big losses. This has me thinking about what grieving beloveds need. As I share in their grief, I take our Grief & Loss Flower Essence not so much to keep grief from my door or to manage my grief, but so I can be present to those grieving and can be there with an open heart as they navigate their losses.

We have pervasive cultural ideas that our grief is something to be denied if possible and suppress if not. Not only are we encouraged to aggressively manage our own grief, but we are encouraged to do this with other’s grief too. I went to the dictionary to look for other expressions like “stiff upper lip.” I wanted to comment how unfortunate I thought these phrases that inhibit grief are. I was horrified to discover that the following phrases were listed as synonyms for “stiff upper lip:” assured, composed, cool as a cucumber, self possessed, tranquil, unflappable. There it was in the dictionary that we respect those who don’t cry and don’t express their grief and see them as assured, composed and cool as a cucumber. The verbal bones of our world and so many other forces encourage us to close our hearts to grief and the grieving when perhaps most of all grieving folks need open hearted companionship.

I heard two different stories about grief this week. They stood in opposition to each other and spoke poignantly of what can be in situations of grief and what is often the case instead.

This is the first story shared with me. Having recently lost his mother, this young man went to his brother to talk about his deep and complicated grief. His brother put him off. He told him to get his act together and get over his depression. He said to suck it up. As I heard this young man recount his shock at his brother’s response, it brought home to me again that what we most want in our grief is not to feel alone, to have others willing to go there with us and be present with us in our grief.

It would seem a logical thing that a sibling would be open to hearing his brother’s grief, however this sibling was locked in our cultures ideas of grief management, ideas that drain us and lock us in a frozen place. The young man felt compassion for his brother, even as he felt that he needed to make different choices about whom to look to for support in his grief.

The other story involved a beloved but geographically distant friend receiving a very challenging medical diagnosis. Even as I began to worry about the help she would need, many local friends gathered to organize the necessary and ongoing care. My friend had participated in a Grief group after the death of her husband. It seemed that her friends in this group went immediately and fearlessly into the experience of being present for her as she faced her situation and grieved the loss of what had been her life before this moment. It was awe inspiring to hear of this outpouring of love.

In thinking about these two different situations, I realized not for the first time that Grief & Loss Essence serves both those grieving and those who stay present with those who are grieving. Yes, the Flowers in our Grief & Loss mix help us be present with our grief, move with our grief and come to terms with our grief. The Flowers buoy us up in the worst moments but never repress or control or suppress our grief. They also help us bear witness and console the grieving.

Every time I look at the Flower Essences in Grief & Loss, I learn something more about what we need when we are grieving. Every time I work with this remedy, which has literally been thousands of time, I feel profoundly supported.

I’ve come to respect this Flower Essence combination and its deep wisdom more and more as the years go by. The Grief & Loss Essence is like a parable. The more I experience in life, the more aware I am of this Essence’s many strengths. What I saw in it 35 years ago were qualities that helped me with the uncomplicated griefs of losing a beloved grandmother, step grandmother and companion animals. These were clean griefs without regret or confusion. Later I would discover how this mix had layers of purpose and support as I leaned on it for the much more complicated losses and griefs that came my way as I got older.

How grateful I have been that it was Angels and not me who composed this mix. They always knew the vast complexities of possible griefs and losses and could easily rise above all cutural biases to create a healing remedy with no patriarchal overtones of controlling, suppressing or denying grief.

While every Flower in this Grief & Loss mix has many gifts, I thought I would mention one or two for each Flower acknowledging that it is a woefully inadequate description of the Flower’s strengths but a bit of a shout out in any case. I will always remain grateful for the ways this remedy has helped me live with grief and loss and be a companion as best I can to others in grief.

Alex MacKenzie Rose– helps us find the courage and fortitude to be present in our grief or that of another

Arrowhead– helps us know what we feel as well as bring our most clear eyed and grounded self to even the most murky and overwhelming situations

Arbor Garden– helps us feel our indivisible oneness even when we have been divided by death or other circumstances

Blackberry– a sweet friend untangling our confusion so we have clarity and release from the anguish of our mental tangles

Borage– for the courage to dive into our feelings with calm, a sense of purpose and confidence we are not alone in our sorrows

Camaieux Rose– shelters and consoles us as we accept painful realities (from the Roses on the Additional Flower Essence list)

Coral Pink Rose– uplifts and supports us when we have experienced many losses and griefs and feel worn down, helps us release worry

Crinum Lily– for griefs & losses that call us to heal deep and old wounds of trauma (from the Costa Rica Essences on the Additional Flower Essence list)

Cucumber– confidence that grief is its own perfect expression of deep truth and though painful is itself life affirming

Eyes of Mary– supports us to find a perspective on our losses without belittling our pain, helps us respond lovingly to those who are suffering without a desire to fix things for them

Honeysuckle finding the truth of how we feel about our losses free of nostalgia or sentimentality

Hyssop helps to stay present in our grief with complete kindness for ourselves

Indian Pipe– help to feel the ever present current of peace in all situations even extremely sad and painful ones

Joe Pye Weed– support from spirit who hold us in total love as we grieve

Madame Hardy Rose– for the sorrow when we lose a deeply beloved person or place that feels irreplaceable (from the Roses on the Additional Flower Essence list)

Maltese Cross– helps us find our confidence that we will survive grief that tears us apart

Maple– for knowing our strength and finding our center amidst great suffering

Mustard– support when we feel griefs that are ancient, gloomy and relentless

Old Blush China Rose– for the strength to endure, a very old Rose that helps us find our own ability to keep going

Painkiller Plant– helps us experience the gifts our painful suffering has given us

Pale Pink Rose– support for all involved at the transition of death

Pink Tecoma comfort in our grief, a soft blanket wrapped around us

Star of Bethlehem– confidence the losses will one day bring new beginnings,

Swamp Candles– for dark night of the soul experiences

Trillium– brings sturdy balance and inner calm amidst grief experiences

White Bleeding Heart- solace for broken hearts (from the Green Hope Essences on the Additional Flower Essence list)

White Hibiscus– a mending balm when events have left us feeling broken and empty

Witch Hazel– when in a season of losses, this one helps us find sparks of enduring life

Yellow Water Lily– helps us feel connected to source even amidst difficult losses and deep griefs

I felt kind of embarassed uneasy after posting my last blog. I found myself second guessing my word choice desireless when maybe detachment or simply no mention of any goals would have been a bit less grandiose better. Checking in with the Angels right after I posted the blog, they said they liked the word choice go figure and to just leave it be. I guess that was my first moment of arguing with the flow and then rather ungracefully surrendering to it.

One thing is for sure. Having such a silly impossible goal keeps me laughing. Without even taking into account real challenges, just flowing with the little mishaps of life is keeping me feeling flustered by my hubris on my toes.

Take for example this blog. You may have noticed that recent blogs have been short on photos. This is because though there are eight computers at Green Hope Farm, none of them currently allow me to take a fresh photo or any photo for that matter and put it up on this blog. We’ve all been there with inexplicable technology snafus in which one day everything is working and then the next day nothing works. We’ve all been there with wondering if the upgrade made things better or worse. I imagine we all those of who grew up without computers have moments when we wondered if all this technology is in any way making life simpler or better or aligned with our skill set. Then of course, I may be misinformed about those of us who grew up without computers. Maybe its just me that likes pens vaguely remembers how to write in cursive would prefer less technology.

Just an aside about my first interaction with a computer in 1979 an incident which sets the stage for much of what was to come. I was a first year English teacher at Kimball Union, and it was the end of fall term. Like every other teacher in the place, I had to type my grades into a computer terminal in the science building. The one and only school computer filled many rooms in the building. The machine creeped me out. I thought I had entered all my grades correctly and fled left the building confident I had done what I was supposed to do and relieved to put the first term of overwhelm in the classroom behind me.

And so the data was run and shared with the entire school community as to class rank, grade point averages and all the other details on which the organization hung. Then it was discovered I had entered the data incorrectly and EVERYONE yes, every last teacher had to re-enter their data including me who was heavily supervised during my work in order to have correct data for the school community. You can imagine how popular I was at the holiday party.

But back to the here and now in which eight Green Hope Farm computers take up virtually no room except in my head where I wildly scramble try problem solving approachs to my photo problem including airdropping photos to all eight computers, downloading photos to said eight computers, moving photos from one desktop to another, fixing the problem with “preview not responding” on my favorite of the eight computers, buying more icloud space in case this is a factor etc etc etc. Are you asleep yet?

How ironic that I am the mother of two sons who write code for a living. There really is no explaining their gifts in terms of my genetics. My skills remain rudimentary. Meanwhile Will’s podcast on his crypto currency analysis company Parsec Finance includes zero words which I understand and I do worse comprehending the full sentences. I follow his posts on Twitter. I ask questions although usually my brain melts when the words block chain come up. I listen to Will’s podcast as much as humanly possible. I liken it to listening to ancient Greek, restful once I accept that I will comprehend nothing.

But I digress once again on this report on the Flow Project. So how am I doing? Let’s just say its a good thing I am not expected to grade myself right now or put the data into any computer.

This week, a young friend gave me a shining example of going with the flow.

Her baby was born with mouth challenges including a very high palate that made nursing impossible. Medical and alternative intervention was sought and still the verdict was that the baby had to be bottle fed. For this mother, it was a deep disappointment, one I remembered from when my own child was born with a cleft palate forty years ago and she too was unable to nurse.

However this young mother turned on a dime to figure out a way forward that involved both pumping breast milk night and day while also bottle feeding her newborn. When I saw her yesterday she was wearing portable pumps that gave her a Dolly Parton profile. She spoke about her new life with such humor and grace that it would have been hard for anyone to guess that this wasn’t exactly what she had hoped for. I had been thinking a lot about the topic of FLOW even before our visit, but afterwards, I felt impelled to put more thoughts about flow into a blog.

I know I have written about flow and Flow Free, our Flower Essence to support flow, in so many blogs. Today I feel even more strongly than ever that learning to flow with life is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. If I have any resolutions for the new year, it is to work more on flowing with what is and to also take on the related project of letting go of desires.

I’ve mentioned this goal of desirelessness to a couple of people who have all looked horrified. This is not a declaration that I am going to enjoy life less. It is more a declaration I am going to try and fight with life less. I actually think that cultivating fewer and fewer desires, expectations and demands of life will mean more happiness not less.

Desiring things to go a certain way ties up so much energy and impedes flow. Life can never be contained or constrained by our desires, yet we spend so much time trying to squash the immensity of life into the forms we desire. Flowing with what is means letting life be what it is and not wasting any more time trying to shape life to my desires. I want to pursue full faith in life just as it flows and embrace this flow instead of fight it.

I wonder what would happen if we all had more faith in life and let it flow without wasting energy trying to make it conform to our expectations. When I look back at my life, it is so often moments when I went with the flow, even a flow that my personality did not like or desire, that left me the most present, the most at peace and the most happy.

Yes, it’s human to want life to go a certain way both in its little moments and in the big. I was heartbroken when my child’s birth defects left her temporarily. unable to hear or eat. I was mad at life. However this was not life punishing me. Life was just being life. And when I let go of my expectations to accept the reality of what was happening, I learned so much. I do not think Green Hope Farm would have happened if I had not gone through these challenges with my daughter. As I’ve heard so many others say, I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone, but it was so meaningful even essential to my life.

So here I go- embracing the flow more fully in 2024.

Just one more thing. I picked up my knitting journal where I write notes about projects I have knit and various other random stuff. It’s a scrawling book where I note what needles, yarn, patterns and sizes I used to make hats, shawls, mittens and sweaters for myself and the little people in my life. The journal gives me information to correct my mistakes for the next project or repeat a project that has gone well. As I went through the book to plan the next project to cast on, I found I had written this quote from the movie Dune, a quote that seemed to encourage me to go with the flow of my flow project.

“The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to experience, a process that cannot be understood by stopping it. We must move with the flow of the process. We must join it. We must flow with it.”

A friend told me about a dream she had last night in which every relative in her life came to visit. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, siblings and parents were all looking for beds in her home which abruptly turned into the home of her great grandfather. In the dream she was trying unsuccessfully to appease the demands of this hoard of family.

Holidays can feel like that, even if we find ourselves alone. Holidays bring up old family business, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming to process all the material surfacing.

Ours was a holiday stretch almost devoid of traditions, company, big family meals or any activities from years past. My dear husband had vertigo, and that kept things simple. Yet even as our holidays were very quiet, I too felt my house was occasionally invaded by unexpected guests. Big personalities in my family of origin stamped holiday activities with their mark and insisted on how even the smallest details of the holidays should be done. So even as these traditions are gone from my life, old opinions of “the right way to do things” occasionally rear their ugly heads.

I have spent decades sweeping these old chestnuts from my life, but housekeeping remains necessary, especially as I run into the same dogma coming from new directions.

And why am I surprised that the same dubious holiday ideas have sprung up like mushrooms again? One has only to turn on the TV for ten minutes to see the collective brainwashing we all endure this time of year. It’s no wonder a dismantling has to be done again each and every year. After all, the cultural pressures to conform to holiday dogma assaults us from Halloween onwards.

Thank goodness for Flower Essences. Here are a few that were in my holiday spritz bottle that might free up more inner and outer space in our lives if we use them in January and beyond!

The Family River Trio is a threesome of Flower Essences that helps us clear out old family baggage so we are unburdened. The Black Currant in the trio helps us release many generations of counter productive habits, opinions, traditions and anything else that is stuck or obscuring truth or not serving our light. The Bloodroot reveals the core strengths of our family line, because underneath all the mistaken ideas there is always something of value. The third member of the trio is Borage for courage to do the work. To sort and discard is tough. It is ultimately freeing, but it can be exhausting.

This time of year there are so many voices in our heads and all around us telling an old story about how things should be done. I appreciated the back up of my Flower Essence spritzer bottle to support me in what felt like saner choices. For example, we had a Christmas without the giving and receiving of presents. This felt like a big relief. However I needed to be vigilant about the occasional voice encouraging guilt that I had let go of this tradition so central to my childhood. Hyssop helped with the guilt. And Flow Free helped the Family River Trio with the whole letting go process. Flow Free remains an essential ally, here amplifying my efforts to be free of old holiday shoulds.

My mix had many other Flower Essence friends in it, but I think I will stop there as these seem most centrally supportive to the work of finding inner freedom from the cultural demands of the holidays.

PS When I went to ask the Angels and Elementals if they wanted me to add anything else they asked me to mention one other Flower Essence in my mix: Don’t Worry-Bee Happy. They have been talking a lot to me about how worry does such damage to the tranquility of our inner self and never accomplishes anything. They note, “The cultural pressures about the holidays leave everyone worried they are not doing enough, and we want to say to you, let go of your worries, you are always enough.”